Relief
by Niss Trah
Summary: Following the events of S7's Avenger 2.0, Major Carter returns from her mission with Dr. Felger to face the reaction of Colonel O'Neill.


Major Samantha Carter walked down the ramp toward a relieved looking General Hammond, and when he asked if the virus had been taken care of, she quickly cut of Dr. Felger's rambling explanation, and gave the succinct answer he was waiting for. '_God, no wonder the Colonel cuts me off so often, if I ramble like that! I should work on that…_she gave herself a mental shake and tuned back into the General's words about Daniel. When she heard he was fine, a weight lifted from her shoulders, now knowing that all three members of her team were fine. As she told General Hammond that Colonel O'Neill wanted to surprise him with his mode of transportation, they began to walk out of the Gate Room, Dr. Felger bumbling behind them as he tried to simultaneously walk and get his over-stuffed pack off his back. Ignoring his muttering, Sam turned her attention to Hammond.

"Thank you Major, I'm sure we can continue this later, perhaps in a briefing when the rest of your team has returned. For now, get yourself and Dr. Felger to the infirmary for your post mission exam." As the General turned to make his way down the hall, he paused when confronted with Jay Felger turning in circles trying to unhook his pack. Hammond looked back at her and she attempted a sheepish smile. Hammond shook his head and faced her again. "Major…just to be clear, under normal circumstances, you would not have walked through that gate with only Dr. Felger for company. I realize the situation gave us no other options, but I wanted you to be aware that Colonel O'Neill was none too pleased when we told him the specifics of your mission. He'll most likely want to speak with you about it when he returns."

Sam swallowed nervously and nodded. "Yes sir, I was actually expecting it, so…." she trailed off as she realized for the first time how dangerous going to that planet with no backup was. _'He's got to be so pissed at me right now.' _Thinking of O'Neill's return with Teal'c suddenly filled her with dread. She had the sinking feeling that the Colonel was going to seriously chew her out.

General Hammond placed a kind hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry too much Major. If he decides to be go hard on you, please remind him that I consented to your mission." He smiled at her and as she thanked him softly, he nodded and turned to walk away.

Sam took a deep breath and tried to will her nerves away, knowing that Janet would instantly notice and her knowing that Sam was that upset about possibly disappointing the Colonel, would not make for a good conversation. The fact that Janet had been present three years previously when Sam and the Colonel were thought to be Zatarcs, and had to admit to having feelings for each other to prove they weren't, had only given the petite Doctor proof of what she'd figured out a year before that day. Sam was falling for Jack O'Neill, and Janet thought it was hysterical. Every time she noticed something, a look, some inside joke, laughing too loud, standing too close, she would pester Sam for details, wanting to know if this was the day that things had changed. What Janet didn't seem to get, was that Sam had decided to do everything in her power to stomp down those feelings and lock them up where they could never get out and ignore them when they pounded to come out. By the very professional way he had treated her for weeks after the Zatarc incident, Sam had the strong feeling that the Colonel was attempting to do the same with his feelings. They had eventually settled back into the comfortable and lighthearted friendship they had developed, though every once in awhile she would catch him looking at her intensely during a briefing, or they would be alone for a few minutes on a mission and she could practically see the wall between them losing integrity. In those moments, she knew they hadn't been entirely successful and her heart would crash wildly against her chest at the longing in his eyes before he would turn away and lock it up again.

"Major Carter…hell-oooo," Felger's hand waving in her face drew her from her thoughts and she smiled tightly at him.

"Sorry Jay, my mind was wandering. General Hammond wants us to report to the infirmary." At his alarmed look she reassured him. "Everything's fine Jay, it's just a post mission exam. We do it after every mission. Just a safety precaution." She patted his shoulder and motioned him to follow her, chuckling as he finally succeeded in getting the other hook of his pack undone.

As they walked into the infirmary, Janet spotted them right away. "Sam! You're back!" She hung the chart she was perusing on the end of a bed and walked over to Sam and gave her a hug. She placed a hand on Felger's arm and smiled at him. "Jay, how did it go? I hear you had an exciting mission." She smiled at Sam as Jay started babbling about the mission and how he and Sam had practically overcome the Jaffa when Colonel O'Neill showed up. Janet guided him to a bed and directed his attention to one of her nurses and he continued his narrative for the young woman as Janet walked back toward Sam. As she got Sam seated on a bed and started the familiar routine, she asked "So, how are you doing? Were you okay out there with no backup?"

"I'm good Janet. It was quiet there until about ten minutes before the Colonel and Teal'c showed up, so it really wasn't so bad. We had pretty good cover by the gate." She gave Janet a huge cheesy grin to prove that she was fine and her friend laughed.

"Well good. I'm glad you're okay, I was a little worried when General Hammond told me where you'd gone. So the Colonel and Teal'c showed up? Was that after Felger fixed the virus?"

"No, they showed up in a ship. But don't tell the General. The Colonel wanted it to be a surprise." She smiled as Janet nodded and mimed zipping up her lips. As Janet finished the exam, she patted Sam's knee and let her hop off the bed. Sam grabbed her discarded pack and started to walk toward the door when Janet stopped her.

"Sam, how did the Colonel react to you going off with only Dr. Felger for a team?" She raised her eyebrows and smirked at her. Sam sighed, knowing she should have expected Janet to ask.

"Well, he didn't say much on the planet, but I'm sure he's not happy. But General Hammond told me to remind the Colonel that it was his decision to let me go. So, I'm sure everything will be fine." She put as much confidence into the smile as she could to assure her best friend that everything would work out. She could tell that Janet didn't quite believe her but was relieved when she let it slide. "Well, I'm going to hit the showers Janet, I'll see you later, okay?" She gave Felger a quick wave and left as Janet waved her out.

After a hot shower that did nothing to take away the tenseness in her shoulders, Sam spent time actually blow-drying her hair and styling it casually, thinking it would make her feel better, before she put on fresh BDU's and made her way to her lab. She walked into her organized space and sat down to log into her computer. She had a message from General Hammond letting her know the rest of her team would be back in plenty of time for a briefing at 1600 hours. She glanced at the clock and found she had over 5 hours to kill before then, and decided to lose herself in the project she's been working on before she'd starting helping Dr. Felger with his Avenger program. She soon relaxed into her work and her tension eased. Before long, she'd forgotten that she was worried about the Colonel's reaction and three hours had passed. She looked up at her clock and set down her instruments. As she rolled her neck to loosen it from sitting hunched over for so long, she realized she was hungry and pulled open her bottom drawer and grabbed a chocolate chip granola bar. As she took off the wrapper and bit into it, she leaned back and smiled at the progress she'd made while working without the Colonel or Daniel interrupting her for some reason or another. Just as she's popped the last piece of her bar into her mouth and reached for her water bottle, She a knock sounded on her door. She swallowed quickly and took a gulp of water before calling out "It's open." She drank more of her water as the door opened and set it down quickly when Colonel O'Neill walked in and shut the door behind him. Sam suddenly remembered why she'd decided to get lost in some work, and the reason was standing in front of her with a blank expression on his face. He stood there, hands in pockets, rocked slightly back on his heels, just staring at her.

"Hi Sir! You're back! How'd the ship hold up? Was General Hammond impressed?" She had tried to go for bright and cheerful, but it had come out rushed and desperate sounding. She cringed internally as she waited for him respond. He seemed to almost be looking right through her and for the few seconds before he answered, she studied him nervously. His face was impassive and seemed to be set in stone, his always unruly hair stood up this way and that, as though he had repeatedly run is hands through it. His eyes were what gave away his anger. They were dark and menacing, and only a few times before had they looked like that because of her. He finally looked into her eyes and spoke with barely contained fury.

"Would you mind telling me Carter, just what the HELL you were thinking?" His voice began to raise until he ended his question in a yell. Though she's been expecting him to be angry, she stilled flinched. She hated, absolutely hated, when his anger was directed at her. She opened her mouth to respond with an apology, but he didn't give her the chance. "Of all the idiotic, harebrained things I have seen some officers do, this one seriously takes the cake Carter! You gated to an occupied world with no backup, and an idiotic, clumsy scientist who knows NOTHING about field work. How the hell you managed to convince Hammond to go along with this scheme is beyond me. You WILL NOT ever again, go off half cocked on some fools mission to fix a computer virus with only yourself for backup. IS THAT CLEAR?" Sam barely had time to utter her "Yes sir" before he started pacing around her lab and gesturing wildly with his hands. She watched in morbid fascination as his face turned red, the veins on his neck began to swell, and he lost all of his air yelling and cursing her out. As he told her how stupid a decision she made, threatened to have her demoted back down to Captain, and questioned how she expected him to be able to trust her decisions in the field after this, she realized in absolute horror, that her eyes had begun to tear up. She gasped and blinked rapidly, determined not to cry in front of him. Sam knew, that at most times, he wouldn't mind a few tears when she is upset, but at this moment, with the Colonel practically shooting daggers at her with his eyes, it would only make things that much worse if he saw that she was crying. She clenched one fist hard until her fingernails almost broke the skin of her palm. She took deep breaths and tried to tune him out as she willed her tears away. When she had gotten them under control, she noticed that his tirade was coming down and he was speaking at an acceptable volume again. She turned to look at him as he finished and when more than thirty seconds had passed in silence, she slowly pushed herself out of her chair and spoke.

"I apologize Colonel O'Neill. I am fully aware that my decision to go as a two man team was not entirely well thought out. However, I was unwilling to put any other members of the SGC in danger, considering that there was a chance that Dr. Felger and I would be unable to correct the problem. General Hammond agreed that he wanted no other lives at risk and approved the mission. I also apologize for the fact that my decision has brought about your mistrust of me. I can only hope that I will be able to regain that trust and will do everything I am able to accomplish that." She said her piece in one breath while looking at a point just over his shoulder and waited stiffly for his response. She heard a deep sigh come from him and shifted her eyes to watch him. His shoulders had dropped down and he was scrubbing one hand over his face. Sam's eyes followed it's path through his hair and to the back of his neck. As he looked up at her, what she saw on his face completely floored her. His eyes looked painfully into hers, and his entire being radiated defeat. She gasped in surprise as he took a step toward her and he paused. He looked at her for a moment and the hesitancy she saw confused her. He made some sort of decision though and moved forward again until they were standing almost toe to toe. He placed a hand on her shoulder and tugged her toward him while he uttered a soft "c'mere."

In her surprise, she allowed herself to be pulled into a hug and was shocked when he wrapped his arms around her, one at her waist and the other at the back of her neck, his face turned into her neck, his breath warm and even. She stood rigidly until the feelings coursing through her at being in his arms made her relax into his embrace. She brought both hands up to his back and gripped as tightly as he was. Sam closed her eyes, not understanding why he was holding her so close, but determined to enjoy it while it lasted. Her heart thudded in her chest as all those feelings she tried to keep locked away, came out in a rush. She turned her own face toward his neck and inhaled the scent of his Old Spice body wash that he's used since she'd met him. The times when they'd stood close enough for it to reach her nose, after he had recently showed had made her knees weak with wanting him. As she sagged against him now, she had no desire to ever let go, and she knew that she definitely had more than simple feelings for this frustrating, stubborn, sarcastic man. She refocused as she felt him lifting his head a bit and resting his chin just above her ear. His strangled voice came out in a whisper "Damn it Carter, you could have been killed out there." She had to strain to hear his pain filled words, but as his words came, her heart dropped into her feet as she realized he'd become so angry because he'd been afraid something would happen to her. She sobbed in relief and whispered into his own ear "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm alright. We made it." He ran his hand softly through her hair and in slow motion, pulled out of their embrace, leaving his hands on her shoulders. Her hands came to rest naturally on his waist and as she realized what had just happened, she was afraid to meet his gaze. Afraid to see the emotions in his eyes, knowing she wouldn't be able to forget and knowing it was going to be so much harder to push her feelings aside after this. When several moments passed with her staring at the collar of his shirt, he placed one finger under her chin and tugged her head up to meet his eyes. As she looked into those beautiful chocolate pools, she smiled at the affection he was letting her see in them. Her own eyes glistened with tears as she offered him a timid smile. He smiled back, let go of her and took a few steps back. After he'd composed himself by breathing deeply and clearing his throat, he spoke to her again.

"I'm sorry I got so…." he gestured around the room, attempting to refer to how he'd yelled at her. "But damn Carter, I was worried." He shrugged helplessly, unaccustomed to admitting something like that.

"You were?"

"Of course I was. You were on an occupied planet with FOLGER for back-up!" He stated in exasperation. Sam smiled when he again used the wrong name for the eccentric scientist, but didn't think he'd appreciate her correction. "And Teal'c? Don't even get me started on how worried he was! I mean, really, you were really all he could think about. I really think he believed you weren't going to make it home." As she smiled at his facial impressions of Teal'c being worried, he got really into it and continued. "Me? I had complete confidence in your skills to take care of yourself out there, but Teal'c was like a whimpering little child. You really should apologize to him." He ended on a goofy grin and she knew that his joking about Teal'c was a cover for the fact that he himself really had been very afraid for her. She also knew that he needed to rely on his humor to get him through the emotional fallout. He walked past her, mumbling something about pie, but she stopped him with a hand around his wrist. He turned toward her with an eyebrow raised in question.

"Sir, I really am sorry, I just didn't see any other option." She looked into his eyes with hesitation and was relieved when he slid his hand down to grasp her own. He looked deeply into her eyes once more.

"I know that. And really, I'm sorry that I over-reacted. I'm not going to demote you, and I DO trust you. With my life. Just…don't do it again ok? You're giving me gray hairs." At his last comment she snorted in amusement, knowing his hair had already started going gray when they met.

"I'll do my best Sir." She smiled at him and for a short moment, let all of her feelings flow into her eyes. She wanted him to know that they were still alive and kicking inside her heart. His hand lingered on hers and his smile faded.

"Sam, I-…"

"I know" she interrupted. "I know." She gave his hand a squeeze and he did the same. As her heart shouted at her to just take the leap and tell him what they both wanted to hear, she let her soldier's mask slide back into place. Their hands parted and he reached behind him for the door knob. He gave her one last smile and for a moment, she saw everything she felt reflected back at her in his eyes. Their eyes had a silent conversation, each of them knowing how they felt about one another, but also knowing that the war wasn't over and that for now, this was all they could have. Pain ripped through her heart as she looked at him. The longing she felt to rush back into his arms was powerful and she had to grab the table behind her to stay upright. He opened the door with a sad smile and quietly slipped out.

As he shut the door with a very soft thud, her heart rate returned to normal and she sank down to the floor. She pulled her knees up to her chest and began the process of getting control of her feelings and filed their embrace and his choked confession in her mind to pull out someday when she needed a reminder of what she was fighting for.


End file.
